Time truly is a funny thing…

We are in it. Truly in the thick of it all. Today is June 1 and it is garden season here at the farm. Usually in March, very beginning of April, I am able to be out there starting to prepare the vegetable garden. This year, while we had many warm days, they were extremely windy, and the other days were too brisk to be interesting! So, here I am. Feels late. BUT, veggies are planted. Most of my flower pots around the house are filled. I have made gallon after gallon of my “clean” weed killer. I have spray painted our welcome gate at the end of the driveway. I am even trying some grape vines this year. Keeping my fingers crossed on their success. Anyway, as I work away under the now blazing sun I am so appreciative that last year we fixed the outdoor speakers that are attached to the radio, and I can be listening to music while out there. It helps. Trust me.

Garden days can be long, hot and lonely. So music really does help. Down here most of the stations are country, so I lean into it. I just love music, especially live music, so if it needs to be country, country it is. In my mind, better almost any music, than none at all. Half of country music tends to be be about beer, a truck and a girl in a white t-shirt. The other half pulls at your heart strings….heart break, the passage of time…you know, the kind of songs that make you want to go driving down a dirt road in a white t-shirt, crying and drinking beer! (Don’t drink and drive!)

The past few days these emotional songs have gotten into my head. “Remember When”, by Alan Jackson. “The House that Built Me”, Miranda Lambert. “Last Time For Everything”, Brad Paisley. Between these songs while I am in the garden and some dumb emo songs on TIK TOK….Did you happen to see the video where the young man sings at his graduation a song about missing his parents? I mean, for real…who wouldn’t get teary thinking about the lyrics to these songs…but what if you were hearing them leading up to the wedding of your baby girl and the subsequent weeks? What if you were out in the garden thinking about the seasons and your heart just crumbles as you began to think about the seasons of life?

What if your whole life changed in 1 day? Your baby girl in a blink of an eye became a woman/wife? What if your brain has been scrambling with memories? What if, no matter how glorious your life is, you want to have 1 day where you teleport back in time to a day when the 2 of you are just at home watching “Grey’s Anatomy” laughing and eating New World Tortilla (If you know, then you know…) What if you just want 1 day back when you were in your cute little house with the best dog in the world and music was playing and your daughter walked in to tell you about her day? Happy? Laughing? Sharing?

Time is so messy. How can my man and I be empty nesters? Well, almost….we do seem to lose one and then another one returns….How can I look at pictures of when we reconnected, about 12 years ago, and then see pics of us now, and wonder what and when those changes occurred?

Well, the good news in all of this is….my daughter has married a man who loves her, and she him. We had 3 grandparents present and laughing and dancing at the wedding. We are all healthy. Oh…and the wedding is paid off, and behind us!!!!

Time is messy. How can I be so pleased to be healthy and thankful every morning that my eyes opened and my heart is beating and my legs work and conversely be shocked by how creaky my legs and hips are? Or, how I need contacts AND readers? Or, how I can work out everyday, and simply just pass by food and have my body change in front of me? How can I be old and not old all at the same time?

Well, the good news in all of this is … I am starting every day with a full heart and feeling thankful that I am alive and healthy…even as I am stretching my feet and legs before getting out of bed.

Time is messy. How can my baby girl still be my baby but yet be a grown married woman?

The good news in all of this is I know people who have lost a child, or a child who has lost a parent.I am brokenhearted forever for those families, and I double down on the fact that I am forever blessed.

Time is a funny, funny thing. The days are long. The months and years fly by. So, I guess, for now, I just need to stop listening to the sad tunes, and get excited as I count the days until my veggies start producing!