I give up….Hellloo?

Does anyone even clean their house anymore? Or go to work? I mean, like a job? Or, have real discussions? One where one might not agree with the other person, and yet you discuss, not just argue and point fingers?

This past weekend my #farmboy had to go downtown on both days to work. Now, don’t get me wrong….we work for ourselves….just opened another business and that is what one has to do. Work when you have to. Period. 

While he was downtown I was at the city homestead working my butt off…cleaning bathrooms, weeding, watering, planting, laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming…..

Not a problem. We have been busy. We have a house full of kids…ours and bonus. Feels good to get a little cleaned up. 

But Sunday at 6pm….I moved my chair into the last bits of remaining backyard sun for the day, opened a split of Prosecco and opened Insta….

All I saw was a weekend of fun. EVERYONE…concerts, grilling with friends, vacations, boating, looking cute eating out. 

WHAT THE FLYING HOOOO-HAAAAA?!?!?!!

Are we the only ones who have to work the weekends just to be able to make the week flow just a little bit? Not even perfectly…but just not #FAIL??

Is EVERYONE making money taking pictures of themselves and their lives? Does everyone dress in coordinating outfits with their kids while their men are their photographers? Does everyone drive a nice car and video themselves in their cars? And brunch? Like, ALL weekend long?

I flit between thinking this is amazing and how do I get that gig to…WTF?

Mostly I wonder what our kids are learning? How do they learn the value of a dollar when all they see is young people making tons of money and owning expensive items and looking twice their age? I know our worlds commerce is changing at a rapid fire pace but, how can we sustain any structure on the backs of selfies and self promotion? 

But for real ….where have our values gone?  Does anyone wear a simple tool belt or only designer belts? 

And, when I say a tool belt, I mean both physically and proverbially? The kind of belt that one would use when they are hanging curtains and fixing up their home, by themselves…OR, the kind of belt that one would use when having verbal discussions on hot topics? 

I think of our parents….money was precious. They fixed their own cars, they cleaned their own homes cooked almost every meal at home and sewed buttons back on their clothes. They also had to work through a changing generation…one that was different from their youth…and they, and we as a nation, worked through it. Together. 

And, speaking of changing times, looks like I am finding myself a woman without political affiliation. Please do not misunderstand…I am still a liberal (not saying this to align or offend). I will always be a liberal. I will always fight for the underdog. I will always feel our country is richer because we are a nation of immigrants. But, where has common decency gone? Why doesn’t one pull out a tool from their proverbial belt and not inflame another? Why can we not begin to understand and feel for the other side? I do NOT want to hear blame anymore. I do NOT want my leaders poking and stoking the fire. I do not care who is in office or who runs the senate I care about answers. And decency. And kindness.

If your family is anything like ours, and in many ways I hope it is not, the dinner table can be an unpleasant situation, with everyone picking on one another and stoking fires. It takes us, the adults/parents to calm the fires or to put out the fire all together, even now with our “adult” and “almost adult” children. It takes someone to mediate.

Where in our larger world is that parent? Where is the voice of reason? Lobbying back, shooting another bullet into an already panicked crowd does nothing to help. Why if one side says something hurtful must we volley back with more hurt? Why can’t we keep the focus and not be lead astray by the negativity? Does it do us any good to focus on the tantrum itself or is it better to focus on the actual problem?

In your marriage/relationships continually dredging up the past and focusing on the negative does us no good. Am I right? If we keep saying every week….”You NEVER empty the dishwasher…” it does no good. Our partner will just start to mutter, might say something hurtful about how “Well, YOU NEVER…” Then we have to decide on how we will respond. We could focus on their hurtful return volley… but will that get us anywhere? Instead, if we pull out our negotiating tool from our proverbial tool belt and say “ Let’s figure this out. Do you hate emptying the dishwasher?  If you do, I will empty the dishwasher, if you take the garbage out….” Otherwise, the constant reminder/nagging every time our partner makes a mistake only keeps everyone down. Forgiveness. Realizing we all make mistakes. Communication. Compassion. Negotiating. Kindness.

I can not be pro choice and yet, refuse to understand someone who is pro gun rights. I can not be a minority, or the defender of a minority and yet, be putting others down. I must lift everyone up and listen and come to a compromise. It does not mean it lessens my view point, it just means I am approaching my world with empathy. Equal rights for all does NOT mean, equal rights for only those that believe as I do.

Can we stop pointing fingers and blaming everyone else? Our politicians, our police. Can we see that we have a problem and work together as a community to come up with a solution? Whether the topic is gun control, immigration, gender equality….Last weekend, as we know, had more gun violence than we can possibly understand. So much senseless hate, death, sadness. Please, let’s use this time to come together, heal and figure out a plan. Let us please put aside our disdain. Let us please see our commonality and not our differences.

Let’s face it, if we just refuse to see/understand someone else’s view point they are only going to refuse to see ours. 

Here is another example….Besides political affiliation issues, I find myself in an another interesting conundrum. Again, please remember, I am a liberal. I feel strongly that minimum wage should be a decent livable wage and does not require someone to work 3 jobs to be able to pay their rent, feed their family and have a cell phone. But, I am now also a business owner with staff. The more minimum wage goes up, the tougher it becomes to pay our staff and all of our other bills. Now there is also paid vacation for hourly employees and a push for health care. So, see my struggle? I want that for everyone. And yet, it will break our bank to be able to provide it. How many small businesses will we lose if these all become mandatory and then where are we with few to none small businesses employing?

Why do I bring that up? See…One side pushes…free health care for all. The other side, says #@!$ you, we can’t afford that, and becomes angry and says mean hurtful things. The health care side says SEE…you guys are mean bully’s. 

Who will step up and mediate our world for us? Who will be the parent to our frustrations?

Where does it really end? When do we put down our phones. Stop instagramming ourselves eating beautiful brunches and take off our designer belts and start communicating for real? When do we start negotiating and really caring about people and not just spending our time trying to get people to “give a thumbs up” and “swipe up”? 

How do we, and our young people, get involved and really make a change? Let’s try and find a way to create positive change through social media and not envy and desire. Let’s show our kids the meaning of getting involved and give them real life tools. Let’s all try and leave our mark in the world by being a person of positivity, cohesiveness and values and not simply leaving a phone of beautiful pictures behind. 

We have often heard…it starts with one. It just takes one. Let’s each promise to be THE one. Let’s each promise to not spew hate about the other side. To not just post negativity about how the other side is wrong. 

Be the one that leads by positivity. Be the change.

That being said….off to make my grocery list and clean a bathroom! 

Mad love all.

(I would like to extend my condolences to all the families who suffered last weekend due to the heinous and unforgivable actions of others. Together we grieve.)

2 Comments

  1. I choose to put on my designer belt, see the good in everyone and work until I tire out.
    Life is great! We’re not liberals or conservatives, we’re humans who with the grace of God, do the best we can do. Love and peace.

    Like

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