Toby Keith, May He Rest in Peace, sang so eloquently…
”Ask yourself how would you be, if you didn’t know the day you were born”
I think this is my new motto. As we age, I think especially women, we think is this outfit appropriate? Is it still ok for me to take a new class? Is it cool for me to wear my hair long? Let it go grey or keep coloring it? We are so consumed by what we perceive society’s reaction to be…and, it does not help if you ever read the comments on posts on social media. People, total strangers, can be so very harsh. They are quick to comment negatively and confirm our own negative self talk. Don’t get me wrong….there are still many people who are positive and cheerlead for society. But, as we know….the negative voices always seem louder or are able to cut through the other voices.
Why at any age, but especially after a “certain” age, do we worry about perceptions of others? Why are we not leading the pack to stand up for being confident individuals? Why are we not showing the young how it is done?
Why do we feel less visible? Why do we let ourselves walk with drooped shoulders instead of “tits out” and a smile on our faces? Is it really an invisibility cloak that shrouds us as we age, or is it a lack of self esteem? There have been studies that show we feel less visible because 1. we no longer “look” young 2. we are lonely
Based on these studies we are supposed to actually spend time journaling, taking more risks, not dwelling in self pity. seeking out like minded people who want to learn and evolve, exploring and traveling, as well as continuing to learn. I do believe continuing to learn and surrounding ourselves with energized, fun and like minded people really is the answer.
It can be such a weird time of life….where, on the one hand, we feel so much freer and on the other hand we can feel less confident. Do you know that there is actually an active search on “THE” Google that someone asks “Can a 50 year old woman be sexually active?”!!!! Like, WHAT? I do know that hormones and maybe some additional mid section weight can make us feel less attractive, or less confident. But, REALLY? Can we still be sexually active? We for sure need to make sure our significant other is not making us feel less….
Do we need to wear outrageous glasses and bright clothes to be noticed? There is nothing wrong with that, but is that necessary to feel validated and seen? I don’t think that will ever be my style. I might be wrong, but I don’t think so…..So, how will I feel seen?
What makes some not care what others think as much and others feel invisible? Is not caring simply giving up or is it some mystical wisdom that has not been passed on to the rest of us? Do some “give up” and others continue to fight for youth? And, if you are the fighter are you fighting because you are more sensitive to feeling not seen? Is that why you fight?
Or, are some of us just so stinking tired from hormonal changes and not sleeping well, and we just can not fight the fight any longer? In that case, is it a matter of the right supplements?
Or, is it just finding a renewed purpose? Something that inspires and challenges us?
So friends, to quote the Toby Keith song…
“Get up and go outside. Don’t let the old man in…..Ask yourself how would you be, if you didn’t know the day you were born”?
How old would you feel? What would you be doing with yourself?
If you did not know the day you were born?
Whatever that answer is for you….
“Get up and go outside” and do it!
Make it happen.
I also read the other day that it is not High EQ if one says..” You make me feel…”, as we are giving our power over to others. Not sure I am buying that, but it gives me food for thought. So, I am trying…”I feel…”, and hopefully that makes me feel stronger and more control of who and what makes me feel whatever it is I am feeling…..
Focus on what does make you feel good. Focus on something positive in your day or life. Focus on choosing one new thing to learn or one activity that brings you a sense of joy and energizes you. Smile at yourself in the mirror instead of looking for all of what you perceive as flaws when you see yourself. Turn the negative self talk to positive….Say to yourself ” I feel strong. I feel healthy. I am here”.
As women of a “certain” age, if we are feeling unseen, it is up to us to turn that around. It is up to us to make ourselves feel better and to show the younger generations that aging does not mean we are less. In all actuality, we are WAY more. And they should be trying to learn from us!
much love all,
a.-
allison-joy 