I work for our business. I respond to all of the communication. I assist our guests in hosting gatherings. My whole existence is tied to the calendar. I receive asks for the same week, month and even out as far as a year or two. I never fail to be amazed when it is January and I am already thinking about/worrying about July. I feel as if I lose days and months.
Days, weeks, months and years are flying by. I do not know how. I wake up to a new wrinkle or ache. I wake up and my baby girl is married. I wake up and my niece is ready to welcome a new baby. I wake up and see the future….and it is the changing of the guard. You know what I am talking about….where your kids are now independent people, leading lives and soon they will be the leaders of the family. Oh, we will still be the matriarch and patriarch…but they will be the true leaders. UGH.
We are at the age where as my #farmboy stated so eloquently….”we are too old to take financial and emotional risks but too young to stay where we are and not make changes.” UGH.
So weird, when you are busy running your lives, and raising children and mowing the lawn you do not see the changing of the guard. You are not aware that you are slowly taking the lead. You do not fully understand when your parents talk about how shocked they are by their own aging. But then, you check the calendar for work one more time, and you realize time has flown and you see the date and you realize you have become your parents.
My sister/sister-in-law/bestie said to me years ago that she remembers the very trip home to her parents with her little girl when she realized her parents were aging. This made me so sad. It still makes me sad. It has left an indelible mark in my soul. It brought tears to my eyes then and now. And now, that I have not seen my daughter since her wedding in April, I wonder how she will view the aging that I see everyday in my face. I wonder if she will be shocked by the changes and feel the feels?
I wonder what my legacy will look like? Ironically, just as I wrote this I received a text from a friend about her shutting down her business. A business that I was very involved in supporting and loving. My heart is shattered that all of the warmth and memories will just be bygones. And, then my heart also remembers that my sweet “dollhouse” of a home…the home in which I raised my daughter. The home that was filled with love, friends, music and our hearts was totally remodeled and looks nothing like it did when it was ours. And I begin to wonder what my legacy is. If many of the things that mattered to me, that created me, are no longer….what am I leaving? What will I be remembered for?
Are these thoughts that cross your mind? Do you sit here wondering what your next step should be in building a life of purpose? Do you wonder what you will be remembered for? Are you sitting in a place of contentment for your life? I sure hope so. I hope you are living your best life every day. I hope when you lay your head on your pillow at night, a feeling of a sense of gratitude and wonderment regarding the life you are building fills your heart. You are proud of the memories you are making. And shocked by the legacy you are building.
Don’t let the days of the calendar fly by with out making an impact.
Ok. Enough of all of this pondering and emotional angst. I am on to putting my brain to work figuring out where my next impact will be.
Much Love,
Allison
allison-joy 